Q. My son is 17 years old and he is dating a Christian girl. I am a Hindu. What shall I tell my son? What, if they decide to get married?

Perhaps, your fear is that your son will marry this girl. I would encourage you to talk to your son about his relationship but respecting his decision in the matter. Although, I am not discouraging your son from this relationship, I would like to suggest a couple of things that you may want to share with him. These may or may not apply to him as we are not very sure whether he plans to marry this girl.

If they do decide to marry, the fact that they both have grown up in the United States will give them some common grounds and strengths in reference to culture, language, interests etc. Obviously, an area where they could experience problem is in instituting a belief system that their entire family unit can follow. They should also think about the long-term implications of such a marriage. Sometimes, children would experience far more conflicts than parents do. One major issue is that of ‘identity’.
Of course, good planning and preparation can avoid some of these problems.

Q. My son is 15 years old and he does not keep his curfew. He comes home at 2 a.m. He says he hangs out with his American friends who have permission to stay out that long.

I assume your son does this on weekends. I am sure you are upset about this situation but the best thing to do is to approach him in a calm manner and discuss your concerns with him. From a psychological point of view, this is an age when children try to test out their independence and it is a sign of growth and maturity and we can respect that. But he needs to be sensitive to your feelings and should work out a compromise so that you will not be too upset when he is out with his friends. It is very important that he also lets you know where he is, who he is with and what they are doing. Again, approach him gently and discuss the issue giving weight to his need for socialization as well as independence. You may also want to suggest to him alternative daytime activities.

Q. My children don’t like to Indian food. What do I do?

Wait until they leave home to go to college. They will surely want it then!

Believe me or not, this is a identity issue and not so much a diet issue.

Children talk about food at school. During their impressionable age, when every body else talk about baked chicken, steak, mashed potatoes, etc. etc.

Our children may have problem talking about Chapathi, Biriyani, Sambar, etc. which are not very popular among their peers. Further more, they are also influenced by visual cues. The food that their friends eat are more tempting than what we offer at home. Perhaps, you can work on providing some variety at home. You may also encourage them to cook American foods and have some fun with that.

Dr. Kondoor Abraham is a mental health practitioner in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. He has a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology and has many years of experience in college teaching as well as counseling. His book, The Asian Indian Family, based on a research that he conducted among Indians will be published by Desh-Videsh soon. Dr. Abraham can be reached at 954-916-1200, E-Mail: family@deshvidesh.com