Q. I am 13 years old and my sister is 11 years old. My parents are vegetarian but we both eat meat. My parents are trying to convince us (not force) to quit eating meat. We also want to quit. But we are concerned that our American friend may think that we are coming from other universe. Can you advice us how to handle both the sides?

When I was reading your question, I was reminded of Albert Ellis’ 11 irrational thoughts and beliefs. One of these irrational beliefs is that we should be loved and accepted by everyone in the society. This is seldom possible and we should not be worrying about it.

You have your rights to remain vegetarian or non-vegetarian. It’s your choice. Do whatever is best for your health. If you decide to stay vegetarian, make sure you also eat what is provided by meat products. If you stay non-vegetarian, have a lot of vegetables in your diet. The fact that your parents are not forcing you means, they understand the good and bad of both. I wouldn’t worry about what your American friends think about it. Maybe, you would want to educate them about the advantages of vegetarian diet. Again, it’s your choice my friend. Stick with it and be proud of it!

Q. I am 25 years old Indian girl living in Atlanta area. At this time, I don’t have any boyfriend and my parents are talking about arranged marriage. My parents did ask me that if I have any boyfriend they would not mind talking to him and it will be OK to marry him. Since that is not the case, how do I convince my self that it is cool to marry old fashion way?

I think there are two types of arranged marriages. In the first one which is the oldest of the two, the family makes the decision regarding the marriage partner. In the second one, the decision is in the hands of the girl/boy and the family basically introduces prospective candidates that they think are the best. What can be added to this second choice, however, is giving enough time for both the boy and the girl to get to know each other.

Whatever stigma that we have about arranged marriage should only apply to the first one. So, be open to introduction from family as well as friends and make your own decision.

Q. I am junior in high school and living in Tampa area. My Father is a Physician and he wants me to become doctor also. I love computers and I hate biology. How do I convince my parents that computers has same kind of opportunities as medicine?

Your question reminds me of a conversation that took place between an Indian father and his middle school son. The father asked the child “What do you want to be when you grow up, Son?” His son replied, “If I say, I want to become a doctor, you will say, “That’s a great choice.” If I say, I want to become a rock star, you will say, “You have plenty of time to decide on that.”

Let me talk to you strictly from a psychological perspective. I think all of us will be much happier if we can truly identify our gifts and build our lives around it. These gifts are basically innate in nature and we call them ‘aptitudes’. Aptitudes are usually exhibited through natural inclinations toward certain types of activities. As time goes, we will see evidences of our aptitudes in school grades, interests, and other expressions.

There are many ways of exploring our aptitudes and interests. There are tests that are available and I would suggest that you take at least an interest test and explore your choices before you make a final decision. If you need information on these tests, please e-mail me at family@deshvidesh.com. I will be happy to help you.

Dr. Kondoor Abraham is a mental health practitioner. He has a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology and has many years of experience in college teaching as well as counseling. His book, The Asian Indian Family, based on a research that he conducted among Indians will be published by Desh-Videsh soon. E-Mail: family@deshvidesh.com