Growing up in Mumbai, when I was a little girl, I remember attending the engagement ceremony of one of my cousins. The ceremony was held at my cousin’s house, with a few family members from both sides present. A ritual was conducted, with the parents of the bride and groom exchanging items and gifts. We all had a nice, but not extravagant, lunch after the ceremony.

I looked around for my cousin and his fiancée but could not see them anywhere. I only saw both sets of parents. I asked my mom where the bride and groom were, and she told me that they were both working in their respective cities. Apparently, at least according to our South Indian (Tamilian) family tradition, the boy and girl did not even need to be present to get engaged!

Fast forward to today, in Miami, or pretty much anywhere in the world. Weddings have certainly become elaborate, but even engagements have taken on a life of their own. Here, I am not even talking about an engagement ceremony – I am talking about just the proposal that might either lead to, or itself become, the engagement.

In the past, all the groom really had to do for the proposal was arrange for a ring. These days, the groom may arrange a beautiful venue, photographers, videographers, music and maybe even a professional proposal planner!  (Until recently, I had no idea that such a profession even existed!)  It could even be a destination proposal – perhaps at a Rajasthan palace, on a Kerala houseboat, at the Taj Mahal, at a temple, at the place where the couple first met, or at any other picturesque location.

There may even be a drone hovering above just to ensure that the proposal is captured from every possible angle. Or drones could be used to form designs in the sky, such as a pair of hearts or other romantic graphics. Even the actual proposal does not have to be just the proposer going down on one knee and offering the ring – there are so many different ways in which the proposal itself could be displayed or revealed.  

For instance, if the proposal is happening during Diwali, then diyas, flowers and rangolis could be designed to form the words “Will you marry me?”  Alternatively, during Navratri, garba and raas dancers could be recruited to carry and display signs with the proposal message. The message could even be hidden in an intricate henna design, displayed on a screen at a stadium or revealed as part of a traditionally decorated thali – there are so many interesting ways people have come up with just to pop the question. Of course, today it is not necessarily always the groom doing the proposing, but for this article, I am sticking with the traditional groom-proposing-to-the-bride scenario.

Another unique approach that could be considered for a one-of-a-kind wedding proposal – how about doing it at a bridal expo? The couple might visit a bridal expo just to look around, but vendors, family members, friends, music and décor could already have been arranged for a bold and public proposal right on the expo floor! Hey – Desh Videsh organizes several bridal expos every year in different cities across the Southeastern United States. Maybe a “My Shaadi Bridal Expo” could even become the venue for a memorable proposal!

Yes, some of these proposals can really become quite creative – after all, there is so much variety in Indian culture and experiences that proposers and their families can draw inspiration from. I’ve heard of proposals that were like Bollywood-style flash mobs, where family members and friends burst into a choreographed dance in a public venue just before the groom appears with a ring and says, “Mujhse Shaadi Karogi?”  I also read about a proposal being flashed on a big screen during a sangeet performance at someone else’s wedding – although I don’t think I would recommend this one, as it might steal some of the thunder from the couple actually getting married!

Coming back to the planning, in many cases, the families on both sides are notified so that they can be in the area, perhaps hiding somewhere nearby, ready to surprise the bride once she says “yes.” Sometimes, the groom enlists the help of a close friend to ensure that the bride is appropriately dressed and has her makeup done for the occasion, without revealing what is about to happen.

Of course, all this extensive preparation assumes that the answer to the big question will be “yes.” How awkward it would be if she said “no” instead! Hopefully, with so much planning going into the proposal, the groom already has a pretty good idea what the answer will be!

Assuming that she does say “yes,” the family and friends appear, and there may even be a surprise celebration afterward. And of course, the photos and videos are ready for the engagement to be happily announced on social media for all to see and like.

From an engagement in Mumbai where the bride and groom were not even present to proposals today in Miami where photographers, videographers, family, friends and perhaps even a drone are all there to witness the moment – how times have changed! I’ve heard of the big fat wedding, and now that seems to have extended to the big fat proposal!

About the Author:

Rema is an IT professional whose experience includes cybersecurity consulting and implementing financial technology solutions in highly regulated environments. She lives in South Florida with her husband. A proud mother of twin boys, she is also an active member of the local Indian community. Rema enjoys traveling to different countries and meeting and working with people of different backgrounds and cultures. Rema is actively involved in the South Florida community and serves as a Board Member of the Indian Regional and Cultural Center, and has also served on the Board of Trustees of the North Broward Preparatory School.

As a child growing up in Mumbai, getting my very first passport was an exciting event for me. It meant I could now travel the world. I opened the passport for the first time with significant anticipation, only to see the following words stamped on it – “Valid for all countries except South Africa.” Naturally, visiting South Africa became one of my travel goals from then on. Many years later, after moving to South Florida, that goal was finally fulfilled when we traveled to Cape Town, using it as the base for our family’s Southern African safari vacation.

While in Cape Town, I could not help but notice the far-reaching influence that Nelson Mandela has had on the city and the country as a whole. His quotes, photographs and statues are all over, not unlike how Mahatma Gandhi’s are throughout India. During our stay, we visited Robben Island, home to the prison where Nelson Mandela spent eighteen years of his 27-year incarceration.

This visit to Robben Island was thought-provoking and led me to reflect on the similarities between Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. Interestingly, the two never met. Gandhiji lived in South Africa for twenty-one years and left the country in 1914 – four years before Mandela (affectionately known by his Thembu clan name Madiba) was born. Yet Mandela often referred to Gandhiji as a role model and spoke frequently about the influence of his philosophy. While there were many similarities between the two leaders, there were some notable differences as well. For instance, Mahatma Gandhi considered non-violence (ahimsa) his core political strategy. Although Nelson Mandela initially promoted non-violence, his approach evolved after peaceful resistance failed to bring about change, and the African National Congress later established a military wing. In his book “Long Walk to Freedom”, Mandela specifically said that he viewed non-violence in the Gandhian model not as an inviolable principle but as a tactic to be used as the situation demanded.

Gandhiji viewed jail as a badge of honor and a strategic tool for political change rather than a punishment. Similarly, Nelson Mandela viewed going to jail as a battlefield rather than a place of defeat. Both were imprisoned multiple times in South Africa. Both were sentenced to hard labor and endured extremely harsh conditions as prisoners despite their status as political leaders. The South African government tried to undermine their dignity through humiliation and deprivation, but they continued to fight for freedom from their prison cells – writing extensively, challenging the authorities and inspiring others through their words.

Mahatma and Madiba both believed deeply in the power of education to achieve social and political liberation through self-reliance. Madiba championed the philosophy embodied in the phrase “Each One, Teach One” while Gandhiji said that true Swaraj (self-rule) was impossible without mass literacy. 

Gandhiji believed that forgiveness was a vital part of his non-violence (Ahimsa) strategy. As he said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” In a similar vein, Mandela, after his release from prison and the end of apartheid, came to believe that while armed resistance had become necessary during apartheid, forgiveness and reconciliation were essential if South Africa was to avoid a devastating civil war and build a united future. At Robben Island, our tour guide was himself a former political prisoner who had spent seven years incarcerated there. He told us that he had followed Madiba’s philosophy of forgiveness by showing mercy to the very prison officers who had mistreated him.  Today, he said, those former prison guards are his friends. This statement just goes to show that the true legacy of great leaders lies in the values they leave behind. It was a lesson that stayed with me long after we left Robben Island.

About the Author:

Rema is an IT professional whose experience includes cybersecurity consulting and implementing financial technology solutions in highly regulated environments. She lives in South Florida with her husband. A proud mother of twin boys, she is also an active member of the local Indian community. Rema enjoys traveling to different countries and meeting and working with people of different backgrounds and cultures. Rema is actively involved in the South Florida community and serves as a Board Member of the Indian Regional and Cultural Center, and has also served on the Board of Trustees of the North Broward Preparatory School.

Lake Palace: Where Time, Tradition, and Tranquility Meet

Growing up in Mumbai, I never imagined that I would even visit the Udaipur Taj Lake Palace Hotel – let alone stay there. If you’ve been reading my articles in Desh Videsh, you know that I recently spent a few days in Udaipur.

The Lake Palace is what invariably comes up if you do a google search of Udaipur. It has become a de facto icon of Udaipur even though several other luxury hotels have been built there in recent years. When we were invited for an event in Udaipur this past December, we decided to arrive a few days early. While we explored several stay options, our fingers kept coming back – almost involuntarily – to the Lake Palace.

We did not regret that decision.

Managed by the Taj Group, the Lake Palace is a 280-year palace still owned by the Royal family of Udaipur. Many of its rooms have been converted into hotel accommodations, yet they retain their old-world charm, reflected beautifully in the décor. Situated in the middle of Lake Pichola, the only way to reach the hotel is by boat. The moment we were brought to the private jetty, the difference was unmistakable.

We were treated like royalty. Each family was escorted in a private boat to the hotel where we were treated with a Royal Umbrella welcome and rose petals showered around us. The staff greeted us with folded hands and “Khamma Ghanni” (many greetings) throughout our stay. Not once did we have to share a boat with anyone else. Not once did we have to wait more than a couple of minutes for a boat to take us to the other side.

The Taj Lake Palace hotel is one of only two Michelin Three Keys hotels in India – and it’s easy to see why. The service was impeccable. There were so many unique, thoughtful touches – a daily evening pooja performed at the garden temple by a Panditji, a flautist playing live on the rooftop every morning and evening, and a Rajasthani cultural show every night. Every evening, the staff also carefully lit 50-60 lanterns by hand and arranged them in a decorative pattern on the courtyard floor.

The experiences continued throughout the day – a heritage walk through the property each afternoon, and a sunset boat ride to Jag Mandir Island in the evenings. As we checked in on Christmas Eve, there was another surprise – Santa Claus arrived bearing gifts – but not through a chimney – he came by boat, accompanied by the melodious sound of sleigh bells! What an outstanding entrance!

Over the course of our stay, whether we were interacting with the concierge, dining at one of the restaurants, or simply hanging around with a gorgeous view of the legendary City Palace building, it was clear that the staff took immense care to ensure that guests wanted for nothing. But it was while simply sitting on one of the balconies, watching the white palace walls turn golden at sunset, that we knew we had chosen perfectly – and that this was an experience that would linger long after the trip was over. 

About the Author

Rema is an IT professional whose experience includes cybersecurity consulting and implementing financial technology solutions in highly regulated environments. She lives in South Florida with her husband. A proud mother of twin boys, she is also an active member of the local Indian community. Rema enjoys traveling to different countries and meeting and working with people of different backgrounds and cultures. Rema is actively involved in the South Florida community and serves as a Board Member of the Indian Regional and Cultural Center, and has also served on the Board of Trustees of the North Broward Preparatory School.

Growing up in Mumbai, I looked forward every April to celebrating Tamil New Year or Vishu, which is technically Malayali New Year. As Tamilians from Kerala, many traditions in our family were a blend of Tamil Nadu and Kerala customs. For instance, we celebrated Vishu and Onam, which are typically Kerala festivals and we also celebrated Pongal, a Tamil Nadu festival – I thought it was the best of both worlds!

Vishu coincides with several other New Year celebrations across India, including Puthandu in Tamil Nadu, Baisakhi in Punjab and North India, and Bohag Bihu in Assam, among others.

The way Vishu is celebrated was what made it truly special. The night before, my mother would prepare the Vishu Kani, a richly decorated tray filled with yellow-toned items such as yellow flowers, yellow fruits and vegetables, raw rice, a coconut, a brass utensil, a lamp, a photo or idol of Lord Krishna or Lord Vishnu, some coins, some gold necklaces, and most importantly, a small mirror.

Why all the yellow? Because yellow is not only linked to Lord Krishna and Lord Vishnu who are frequently dressed in yellow attire, but it is also somehow signifies abundance, prosperity and an auspicious beginning to the harvest season.

On the morning of Vishu, which typically fell on or around April 14, my dad would wake me up with his hands gently covering my eyes, and lead me to the Vishu Kani. I would sit down, open my eyes, and take in the sight—the mirror and the vibrant arrangement before me. It was always the most beautiful way to begin the day. The idea was that the first thing you see at the beginning of the New Year is yourself in the mirror and the Vishu Kani. This represents the belief that God is within oneself, not just a distant power. Seeing yourself in the mirror is a symbol of seeing yourself as a part of the abundance displayed in the Vishu Kani.

Next my parents would each give me coins as a token of blessings and good fortune for the year ahead. This ritual reflects the sharing of wealth from the elder generation to the younger generation. It is a belief that wealth shared with others will grow and multiply, thereby setting a positive mindset for the upcoming year.

Now, in Miami, I recently celebrated Vishu at home. The Vishu Kani was not as elaborate as the ones many families create, but the thought was there—and we celebrated it much the same way my family did when I was growing up.

About the Author:

Rema is an IT professional whose experience includes cybersecurity consulting and implementing financial technology solutions in highly regulated environments. She lives in South Florida with her husband. A proud mother of twin boys, she is also an active member of the local Indian community. Rema enjoys traveling to different countries and meeting and working with people of different backgrounds and cultures. Rema is actively involved in the South Florida community and serves as a Board Member of the Indian Regional and Cultural Center, and has also served on the Board of Trustees of the North Broward Preparatory School.

When the Picture Matters More Than the Place

Growing up in Mumbai, we had no social media. The internet did not even exist then. Today, of course, people practically live their lives on social media. I can understand wanting to share moments, milestones, or experiences online. What I still struggle to understand, however, is the rise in popularity of influencers — and wannabe influencers — who simply pose for photographs, post them on Instagram, and collect a flurry of likes.

This phenomenon, so common in Western countries, is now clearly visible in India as well. I witnessed it firsthand during a recent trip to Udaipur with my family. Recently, I was in Udaipur, India with my family. While seeing the sights in this beautiful city, we visited a garden called “Saheliyon ki bari”. As I was walking in, I happened to notice many young women also entering, with their respective friends or significant others. What caught my attention was how dressed up many of them were — skirts or dresses styled carefully, accessorized with belts, booties, jewelry, and more.  I assumed that there must be some sort of event at the garden which all these people were attending. Boy, was I wrong.

It soon became apparent that these young women were there for one purpose alone: to pose for photographs at the garden’s scenic spots, presumably to post later on social media.  At every site within the garden, in front of trees, bushes and fountains, we saw these young ladies posing, while their companions dutifully took photo after photo. It was quite hilarious because very few people seemed to want to enjoy the beauty of the locale – they only wanted to capture their own beauty. The men, in particular, seemed to have a very specific role – photographer – and I imagine that they were being critically evaluated on the quality of every shot.

Life is so busy as it is, that I sometimes wonder what the world has come to, when millions of people spend so much time scrolling through photos and videos of random strangers on the internet. Do we really have nothing better to do than to fuel this artificial popularity and provide so-called influencers with yet another way to earn an income?

In a world busy chasing likes and perfect pictures, I still find myself wondering when we stopped pausing simply to look around and take it all in.

About the Author:

Rema Deo is the Managing Director at 24By7Security, a Cybersecurity and Compliance Consulting firm. She lives in South Florida with her husband. A proud mother of twin boys, she is also an active member of the local Indian community. In addition to the professional responsibilities of her function, Rema enjoys the multi-cultural aspect of the job especially as it involves learning different languages, traveling to different countries and meeting and working with people of different backgrounds and cultures. Rema is actively involved in the South Florida community and serves as a Board Member of the Indian Regional and Cultural Center, and has also served on the Board of Trustees of the North Broward Preparatory School.