ith something as intimate as dating, it can seem impossible not to take it too personally when a guy doesn’t call you back. But there are things you can say to yourself to help you take it on the chin a little better:
It’s okay that I’m bummed,
but I don’t have to stay that way.
You’re human. On top of that, you’re a woman, so you’re probably pretty in tune with your emotions. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. Do kind things for yourself in the meantime. Then, when the emotion isn’t serving you any more, just let it go.
My self-worth is not dependent
on my relationship status.
Whether single, dating, or in a long-term committed relationship, you are enough. You are valuable and you are worthy of love. Simple as that.
Besides, hitching your sense of self-worth onto a relationship is quite a lot of responsibility for two people who are just trying to get to know each other. Lighten up on yourself- and your dates.
His opinion of me is valid, but it’s none of my business.
The truth is, he really may not be that into you. And you know something? That’s totally okay. His level of interest (or lack thereof) doesn’t detract from you in any way. It’s simply points to the basic truth that we can’t please everyone.
So, instead of pulling your hair out trying to figure out why (or even if) he doesn’t like you, consider the possibility that the guy is just seeing things through his perspective and his personal tastes. You can honor that without putting yourself down in the process.
I’m not a mind reader.
There could be tons of reasons why this dude isn’t calling you back. Don’t presume you know why.
Notice that when you do try to presume, you tend to go with the worst-case scenario type of thoughts (that is, you weren’t “enough” in some capacity, e.g., interesting, pretty, funny, etc.). In other words, don’t believe everything you think, and definitely do not assume to know what other people think, too.
Sometimes, you just have to dig your way through the coal before you can find your diamond. If you meet a guy you don’t end up connecting with, consider yourself that much closer to meeting the one you will.
What’s meant for me will not pass me by.
Not connecting with someone can sting. What makes that sting worse is if you allow yourself to believe that your “missed connection” was your last true chance for genuine love.
If you find yourself entertaining such defeatist thoughts, call B.S. on yourself. After all, how many “failures” from your past can you look back on and say that if they hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t be where and who you are today?
About the Author
Jasbina Ahluwalia, Matchmaker & Dating Coach has pioneered an approach to matchmaking, which blends the best of The East and West.
She is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker/Dating Coach. She is the Founder & President of Intersections Match by Jasbina, the only Premier Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm for Indian Singles in the U.S., Canada & the U.K. Jasbina previously practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. She earned her B.A/M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School.