Rema’s Ramblings-Just Showing Up
Thoughts and Musings from Mumbai to Miami
Growing up in Mumbai, some of our most exciting and memorable moments were when we either visited family members at their homes or when they came over to visit us. In those days, nobody would call in advance to ask if it was okay to visit – they would just drop in. Of course, many of our homes did not have telephones, so it was not even possible to call ahead.
The joy of seeing your cousins, aunts or uncles at your doorstep on a surprise visit was simply incomparable. The other advantage of these surprise visits was that we did not need to plan a grand feast for our guests – everyone just pitched in to prepare food for all.
These days, of course, regardless of whether it’s Mumbai or Miami, visits have become a little more formal. Everyone calls ahead before visiting, which I admit is a bit more practical, as everyone has so many plans these days. But I do miss the simplicity of the good old days.
While in Mumbai, those impromptu family get-togethers were especially wonderful because we did not live in a joint family. Two of my mom’s sisters also lived in Mumbai with their families, so we often took the opportunity to hang out with them all. My cousins would sometimes come and stay with me and my parents for weeks at a time, especially during the summer or to prepare in solitude for major exams.
Years later, when I was visiting Mumbai with my twin boys, who were toddlers at the time, two of my Periammais (my mother’s older sisters) came to visit me. I was staying on the third floor, and one of them struggled to climb up all those steps. I told her how touched I was that they had made the effort to come and see me. Her immediate response was, “Of course I had to come! I know how difficult it would be for you to come to see us with two small children, especially with the time difference making travel with toddlers so challenging.”
To her, it was as simple as that. I had two small children, so instead of expecting me to come to her, she came to me.
My mom was the youngest in a family of eight siblings. As the years went by, we had to experience the sadness of her siblings passing away one by one. Eventually, there were only two remaining. When my mom left this earth in 2012, I will never forget my Periammai telling me that she was now all alone.
And now, in 2026, that last surviving Periammai has also passed away, at the ripe old age of 92.
It’s the end of an era, and all those childhood memories with her and my other Periammais came flooding back to my mind. The way they lovingly made dosas and adais for me, the way they would engage me in conversation even though I was such a shy child, the way they always made sure that I would not feel lonely at any family gathering – only family can make you feel this way.
Of course, we do have friends who are also like family. Perhaps it’s not the actual relationship that matters as much as the way we treat each other that makes us family.
Being so far away from our homeland, I have tried to get my sons to spend time with family as much as possible. They seem to cherish their interactions with family members, and I hope they are able to enjoy these relationships for a long time and create their own memories that will stay with them.
Looking back now, I realize that some of my fondest family memories did not come from anything that was planned. They came from cousins staying with us for weeks, aunts making dosas and adais, family members simply showing up at our doorstep, and everyone sitting around talking and eating together.
Life may be different today, and Mumbai may be thousands of miles away from Miami, but perhaps some things don’t have to change. We may call before showing up these days – but I hope we never become too busy to show up for family.
About the Author:
Rema is an IT professional whose experience includes cybersecurity consulting and implementing financial technology solutions in highly regulated environments. She lives in South Florida with her husband. A proud mother of twin boys, she is also an active member of the local Indian community. Rema enjoys traveling to different countries and meeting and working with people of different backgrounds and cultures. Rema is actively involved in the South Florida community and serves as a Board Member of the Indian Regional and Cultural Center, and has also served on the Board of Trustees of the North Broward Preparatory School.
