Real Wedding

  • Perfect Wedding

    perfect_wedding_8I did not understand the utter craziness associated with wedding planning until it was my turn, which then involved my morphing into the mythical bridezilla! When I began trying to figure out how I wanted our once-in-a-lifetime day to unfold, I was at a complete loss for ideas. I imagined my wedding to be unique, fun, and the one day that you remember for the rest of your life, like every couple getting married hopes will happen. Pretty soon, I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, and confused. Not to mention, I was probably not a ball of joy to be around..

    I started off with every bride’s new best friend, Google. I researched all I could on “Indian weddings.” To my dismay, not much exists out there for the Indian-American bride; however, I did find some inspiration on a few scattered websites. Some of my favorite wedding websites included www.weddingsutra.com, www.myshadi.com, and a few articles on www.theknot.com.

    perfect_wedding_7First things first: creating a wedding website.
    I felt a wedding website was the perfect way for Tobiah and I to get the party started, and to obviously showcase who we were and what our guests could expect on our big day. About half of our guests were non-Indian and I wanted to make sure everyone knew what an Indian wedding would be like.

    Save the date:
    The more Googling I did, the more interesting things I stumbled upon, such as an Indian-themed “save the date” caricature magnet. I thought it would help get our guests excited about our wedding and point them to our website. Also, it helped me realize what type of wedding I wanted to have-something light, colorful, and fun, not overly stuffy or too serious. I wanted an event where everyone was laughing, relaxed, and having a great time, despite how hectic an Indian wedding can be because of all the events and guests.

    perfect_wedding_11perfect_wedding_6Travel to India needed?
    Next came a huge discussion on whether a trip to India was necessary to get our outfits, invitations, and other items related to the wedding ceremony. I wondered whether the ticket expense, time, and inconvenience, which may affect my family and job, was worth the cost savings. Did I need greater access to trendier, more fashionable accessories required in an Indian wedding that could be found in Bombay? So to settle the debate, I went window-shopping in Atlanta and Houston at Indian clothing boutiques. I found outfits that I was happy with at double or triple the prices that could be bargained for in India, according to my parents. However, I asked myself despite the higher prices in the U.S., does it justify a trip to India? I also found a few Indian invitation websites that seemed to have great customer service and a wide variety in selection.

    Eventually, I caved. A trip to India with my mom was more than just saving time and money. It was about reconnecting and bonding with her before my wedding day and having some good food along the way! We were India-bound for a short 10-day trip to get as much done as possible. This is a sufficient number of days if you manage your time wisely and plan ahead.

    The trip to India was pretty hectic, to say the least. I probably tried on a hundred outfits before finding the right one. I could not believe the variety that was available! I will say this: try to have an idea of what colors and style you are looking for before you go to the shops. The salespeople are very good at their jobs and are persuasive to the point where they can convince you to second guess whatever color scheme or wedding attire you had in mind!

    perfect_wedding_7Finding the right outfits and colors
    What helped me the best with my outfits was looking at a ton of Indian wedding pictures from searches I did on the web, Facebook, and family friends’ wedding albums. I picked out what I liked and did not like, using these images as inspiration. I am a very visual person, and so, seeing what colors and styles were flattering on brides with my figure and skin tone, enabled me to narrow down what I wanted. Also, despite the lack of online wedding resources solely catered to Indian weddings, an infinite number of wedding pictures are easily accessible with a quick online search.

    perfect_wedding_1Another point worth noting is that colors that you may want may not be in fashion in India, so, it may difficult to find outfits in those colors. For example, I wanted a turquoise outfit for my reception; however, turquoise was not in fashion in January 2009 in Bombay, India. I could not find any pieces that were in that color! If you plan on having bridesmaids in your wedding, there are numerous smaller shops with great designs that are not too expensive. In Bombay, it is hard to find the same design in the same color because who wants to have the same sari as someone else? No one. However, I was able to find the same design in different colors at a boutique shop that I randomly decided to check out in Dadar. The shop owner was able to make me three additional saris in the same design in just a week!

    Invitations
    Invitations
    The invitation selection was a lot of fun with so many to choose from. If you have the time and patience, you can design your own for about the same cost. Before going to India, I had already typed out the information I wanted on my cards and had proofread for mistakes. This saved a lot of time in India and relieved me of the paranoia of a misspelled word or grammatical mistakes. I ended up creating one with my own design, bright colorful inserts with an elegant cursive font playing on an intricate red and gold background. The invitation designer and I created a way to combine A and T (the first letters in our first names) with a Ganesh to put on the front flap of the card. It looked beautiful, if I do say so myself. I was impressed with how fast our invitation vendor was able to put to print my ideas, given that I had to have them made in a few days.

    Wedding favorsWedding favors
    I found my wedding favors in Mumbai as well. Tobiah and I met in law school; and so, for our favors, I found a silver Om bookmark for each of our guests. With it, I put an explanation of Om:

    “Om” or “Aum” is the basis of all sounds in the universe. The “Aum” of the Hindu Vedas is similar to “Amen” for Christians and Jews, “Amin” for Muslims, and “Hum” for Tibetans. The Upanishads (Indian Vedic texts) describe Om as the complete sound that encapsulates the entire range of sounds the human voice can make. It starts with A at the base of the throat, moves on to the U with the tongue and the palette, and ends with M where the lips close and no more sound emanates. Research has shown that reciting Om produces a frequency that is very close to the basic vibration frequency of the Earth.

    Taking travel precautions
    The most interesting part of my trip would probably have to be that I lost my passport. If you are traveling to India, be sure to have made an extra copy of your passport, visa, and driver’s license-and have with you during the trip. What a stressful chain of events that resulted: having to report to the police, going to the US Embassy, the visa embassy, etc. However, I did make it back safe and sound with my temporary travel passport without any travel delays.

    Selecting vendors
    Upon returning to the U.S., the real, more stressful planning began. We had already decided on most of our vendors. To my surprise, most brides have all this sorted out about a year before their weddings. Good photographers, decorators, and wedding banquet halls get booked up fast, especially if you want to get married during prime wedding season, which is from May to September.

    The only mishap with a vendor was that I had requested to meet the DJ before we signed a contract with him. Because I lived in Houston and the wedding was taking place in Georgia, the only time I could meet with him was in January. I scheduled a trip and confirmed that we would meet. He never responded. The day that we were suppose to meet, he emails me and apologizes that someone else had already signed up for that date.

    This is when I realized the importance of picking all your vendors as far in advance as possible. After a month of phone calls and online searching, I finally found a replacement that was not as experienced as the first one, but I did not have much of choice given that the big day was quickly approaching. I had to trust, or at least hope, that he would work out fine, and in the end he did, and he was notably cheaper-a win-win situation.

    Wedding program
    Another detail worth noting is wedding programs. You can get very intricately designed ones in India; however, programs can take up an entire suitcase depending on your guest count, not to mention everything else you will be bringing back (clothing, invitations, accessories, gifts, etc.). I made our wedding programs here in U.S. when I got back from India.

    Making the day meaningful to couple, families and guests
    The most challenging part of wedding planning was how do I ensure my guests are having a good time. I know people say that your wedding is about you, the couple; however, seeing our friends and families celebrating with us and having a good time was very important to both of us. After all, we would not be who we are, a well-suited match for one another, without their influence and support.

    About half of our guests were coming from across the country to be with us. I thought about having acrobats, photo booths, candy stations, caricature artists, midnight snacks, belly dancers, among other ideas. My sister brought me back to my senses with a, “What are you doing, having a carnival-and is your budget a bottomless pit?” This got me thinking: What is important to us, what do I want people to remember about us, and what do I want people to take along with them on their life adventures without putting a huge dent in our bank accounts?

    The most important part of our day I wanted people to remember was that despite how and where we grew up, and our cultural and racial differences, Tobiah and I are a lot more alike than different. I wanted our wedding to not be divisive or uncomfortable for anyone, it had to be a celebration of blending, a melting pot, if you will. I know this sounds cheesy, but I had fought my own internal battles on our differences, and so, I wanted our newly wedded lives to begin with a coming together of these stark differences.

    I was the most worried about the Baraat part. Were the non-Indians going to enjoy it or would they be hot, bored, and confused? I have always gotten tired and cranky by the end of a Baraat. Plus, I always felt so awkward dancing. What I had largely underestimated was that Tobiah and I are very open-minded people and so were our friends and families. The Baraat turned out to be one of the best parts of the day! Everyone was dancing together and having a great time. I think because we had such a diverse group of people, inhibitions went out the window! We had amazing dhol players that really got the party going. Listening to them, you could not help but start moving with the beat.

    Our priest set the tone for our ceremony. He had a deep, engaging voice and spoke most of our ceremony in English. He said the verses in Sanskrit and immediately went back to English. He definitely kept the attention of our guests by helping them feel as if they were involved in our wedding as he described what each part of the ceremony symbolized and the importance of it all.

    Lastly, I hoped our reception theme represented us, a couple that love adventure by stepping out of our comfort zones. Tobiah and I have learned from each other how to live more in the present by exposing ourselves to different realities outside of our norms. Being in an interracial relationship can oftentimes force you to be outside your comfort zone, and it was important that our guests feel like they had been transported out of their reality and stepped into our shoes in hopes that it would inspire them to do the same in their own lives.

    Yes, I know this sounds very odd, serious, and hard to bring to reality, especially in a wedding context. However, we had an amazing decorator who was able to represent us with his decorations by creating a high-energy, mystical event. We used a bright color palette: hot pink, teal, and gold for the tablecloths and linens; a Moroccan theme: mosaic lanterns as the centerpieces on the tables; and had the dhol players play on the dance floor to get people dancing. We kicked off the night by entering in a rickshaw, with Tobiah bicycling me into the room. Our dance floor was packed throughout the entire night, with people making moves they never they thought they had in them. It was a huge success. To my amazement, our Indian and non-Indian guests partied all night long.

    At the end, I realized that we did not need any fancy gimmicks to help people have a good time. Tobiah and I were laughing, mingling, and dancing throughout the entire day with our friends and family and, as a result, our energy spread like wildfire. Take a look at our pictures to see for yourself. The biggest piece of advice I could give a wedding-planning couple is try to figure out what you want your wedding to represent about you. Once you figure that out, everything else will fall into place.

    Our wedding day turned out to be one of the best days of my life despite the high-stress levels of making sure everything ran smoothly. When it came down to it, seeing all my loved ones together in one place, celebrating where I was brought up, was one of the most amazing moments of my life as it is truly because of all of them that Tobiah and I found each other.

    Perfect Wedding

  • The Wedding that Surpassed Fantasy

    Yes, we are talking about the marriage of Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai, both celebrities in their own rights. On one hand, we have Abhishek, a star and a heartthrob for million of Indians and the darling son of the first couple of Bollywood (Amitabh and Jaya Bachchan). On the other, we have Aishwarya, a former Miss World and a leading heroine in Indian and Hollywood films. The union could be no less than a merger fantasy and now it is reality.

    However, the road to this point was not rosy as it would have been. Scores of newsprint has been spent describing the astrological problems that Aishwarya had by virtue of being a “Manglik” and the manner in which she (along with the Bachchans) visited temples all over the country to perform ‘yagnas’ and ‘pujas’ to negate the ill-effect. It has even been reported that Aishwarya had to undergo a symbolic marriage with a tree just for this sake.

    As time drew near the date of marriage, April 20, the media frenzy hit an all time high. All over, expectations began to rise and there was a lot of speculation about the process of marriage, modalities, invitees, and even the wedding dress. Certainly, if the marriage is between the most eligible bachelor of Bollywood and the blue-eyed beauty queen, there has to be a lot of interest. But, the way this marriage generated coverage is probably unprecedented in the national context.

    A few days before the actual event, news channels set up their camps near the venue, which happened to be Amitabh’s two bungalows, Jalsa and Prateeksha. The latter was the site of wedding, where the actual marriage ceremony took place. This was done as Aishwarya resides in an apartment La Mere, which might not be the most suitable venue to accommodate the VVIP list of guests. But, that did not deter media to hound the apartment as well. Such was the importance of this event to the media that they tried to interview almost every person coming out of the three different places, Jalsa, Prateeksha and La Mere.

    The families of Bachchans and Rai exercised extreme caution regarding access to the event by the press and other unauthorized persons. The Bachchans ensured that by no means could the media get a peek at the marriage venues, its decoration, and other preparations.

    The mega-marriage finally began on the April 18 with the “Sangeet” ceremony at Jalsa. The invitee list included a who’s who list of popular Indians. It included Ram Gopal Verma, Suniel Shetty, Ajay Devgan and Kajol, Sanjay Dutt, Karan Johar, Rishi Kapoor, Aman Ali and Ayan Ali Bangash, Udhbhab Thakre, and Preeti Zinta. Family friends included Amar Singh, Anil Ambani, Anupam Kher, Goldie Behl, and Sonali Bendre. It was reported that the nightlong program of dance and music was choreographed by Karan Johar and all the participants were made to dance. The bride and the groom delivered an encore of their famous “Kajra Re” number, and mother, Jaya Bachchan, ignited the show by dancing to the tunes of sensuous “Biri jalai le”. Aishwarya and other guests left Jalsa at around 4am all the while keeping weary-eyed media people again at bay.

    The next day was the “Mehendi:” ceremony, which took place at Ash’s maternal home, La Mere. It was an entirely cozy function organized by the Rai family. The compound had a festive atmosphere with lights and music everywhere. The Bachchans went to the place with mehendi from Rajasthan, and the word is that mother-in-law Jaya Bachchan herself applied the colors to Aishwarya’s hands.

    The day of the marriage was truly an event to remember. All through the night, Indians from Kashmir to Kanyakumari, Dwarka to Dispur could only see the gates of the Bachchans’ bungalows (as the media could not see anything beyond that) and were hearing running commentary of what was probably going on inside. It was indeed a unique situation, where all information procured was ‘source based’ as no one knew exactly what happened inside.

    It was around 5.30 am in the morning that priests from Varanasi and Jabbalpur conducted rituals at Jalsa. Until noon, one could see a flurry of activities at both bungalows related to the organisation of the gala event. The media tried to capture every single second of the preparation to pass it to their viewers. One could see Amar Singh and Amitabh Bachchan coming in and out of the bungalow while supervising the different arrangements.

    The beautiful bride appeared at Prateeksha at 1:30 pm with a convoy of seven to eight cars. Aishwarya, dressed in a red Kanjeevaram saree, entered the bungalow in a silver Mercedes car ornated with pink and white flowers, and accompanied by her mother Brinda Rai.

    The guests started to pour in by the evening. The main congregation of guests was at the Bachchan residence at Jalsa. Friends included Riteish Deshmukh, Yash Chopra with family, Karan Johar with family, Rakeysh Mehra, Amar Singh, Ajitabh Bachchan, Suneil Shetty and Sanjay Dutt. The Baraatis began to move towards the place of marriage, Prateeksha, boarding five Volvo buses. Abhishek came to the bus, riding on a white horse, and he was dressed in an Abu Jani-Sandeep Khosla designed Sherwani decorated with gold threads. Visibly elated Abhishek was seen to wave towards the media and his fans who gathered in thousands in front of the house. The entourage of buses then made its trip to the Prateeksha with the groom Abhishek and of course, Amitabh.

    At the gates of Prateeksha, one could see an ecstatic Abhishek jumping from the bus and dancing away to a waiting horse. In fact, the groom to be was so happy that he continued to dance while sitting on the horse as he rode inside the marriage venue. The entire activity was closely supervised by Amitabhj Bachchan, who played the role of the Father of the Groom to the core. Abhishek’s mother Jaya Bachchan and sister Sweta Nanda were also seen joining the fun and frolic that accompanied.
    The marriage was finally solemnized in the late evening between 6 to 7pm. It has been heard that the marriage was conducted through a series of North Indian, South Indian and Bengali rituals, as the bride is South Indian, the groom from North India, and the Groom’s mother (Jaya) from Bengal.

    After the marriage, the reception took place where among others, one could find Sachin Tendulkar, Mulayam Singh Yadav, Bal Thakre, Saharashree Subrata Ray and a host of other celebrities. The approximate number of invitees was around 250-300, and there were 800 security personnel, who tried to manage the event. However, they could hardly do a decent job as thousands of curious onlookers literally mobbed the area. Some came from as far as Mangalore and Hyderabad.
    At the reception, choreographer Shiamak Davar performed a special dance program while the catering was carried out by the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel. The platter was predominantly Indian vegetarian cuisine apart from Russian, Thai and Mexican dishes. After the wedding, the next day was the “Bidaai” of Aishwarya.

    However, as good things have a dark side, this marriage of the year was not devoid of controversy. The media attention it generated had really caused many raised eyebrows, and put the Bachchans invitation practices were put on display. This marriage was said to be such an event, and many pretended that they were invited, when they actually were not. Quite surprisingly, the invitee list did not include some very obvious names from the Bollywood film industry that gave Amitabh Bachchan his iconic stature.

    Discontentment among several producers, directors, actors and actresses grew when they were reportedly told that the invitee list was allegedly monitored by Amitabh’s friend, politician Amar Singh, and was opportunistically made. Many close friends of the senior and junior couple were notably left out.

    To make matters worse, treatment of security personnel towards the media and the on-lookers was violent at times. The treatment was so violent that later Amitabh Bachchan himself had to apologize for incidents. And then, there was the suicide attempt, where an unknown starlet named Jahnavi Kapoor made an attempt to take her life claiming to be Abhishek’s wedded wife. Though the incident could not gather much momentum, yet left a sour taste on the otherwise happy event. Later, rumors were also rife about Amitabhj having sold the media rights of the marriage to British television and hence debarred the national media from gaining any access.

    After the wedding, and after taking the blessings of Lord Balaji Tirupati, the newly wed couple of Abhishek and Aishwarya Bachchan left for the French Riviera for their honeymoon. Let’s hope that the duo now enjoys a long and happily married life, while the media takes a break from their grueling work in covering this momentous event!

  • ARRANGED MARRIAGED

    An experience to remember

    Arranged Marriage which my friends labeled as – ‘an act of coercion for the benefit of the parents!’

    On the hindsight, I think that was the time I first started to like him. I always wanted to be with someone who understands me, and this guy has hit the bull’s eye on the very first day…

    As I stood in the balcony over looking the prepara tions go ing on in the lawn, a stream of thoughts flowed through my mind. Here I am – making all sorts of arrangements for tonight’s party to celebrate our second marriage anniversary; and there was a time just a few years ago, when I was so apprehensive about marriages, esp. arranged marriage – which my friends labeled as – ‘an act of coercion for the benefit of the parents!’

    I was born in India, but came to the US at a very early age. Since then, though I was allowed reasonable freedom and liberty in my schooling and college days, yet there was a traditional Indian conservatism surrounding me in the form of my immediate family environment. Unlike my other American or even some Indian friends, I was not the ‘adventurous-type’ girl and my father always kept me reminding that – we may be residing in the United States, but we are Indians in the truest of sense and have a distinct set of culture, values and ethics, which we must respect and abide to.

    When I grew up and the possibility of my marriage set in, it was more than obvious that it had to be an arranged marriage – and I have to marry and be for the rest of my life with someone who I do not know in advance, and who will be chosen by my parents. I was indeed very skeptic about the whole thing and wondered whether it is really possible, esp. in the present day US – to successfully maintain this type of relation?

    Ultimately, the seemingly best proposal came from my father’s lawyer Mr. Desai – who happened to know Rahul, my eventual husband, and their family since long. They were based in Minneapolis, while we were staying at Boston. Initially, it was my father who spoke to Rahul’s parents about the matter and once he felt things are hopeful – he called me up one day and told that he wants me to meet Rahul and have a first hand feel of the prospect.

    Our parents arranged a vacation trip to New York in the next month, and it was there where I first saw him. He was indeed good-looking and can be said ‘handsome’ in every aspect! I said to myself, “Okay, Not a bad start, but now what?” Actually, I was a bit nervous too, because I have never met any boy with such an intention of evaluating him. I was thinking as how I can make a conclusion about this person in such a short time, that too for such an important decision of my life. However, it was Rahul who promptly understood my state of mind and told me that though we are ‘made to meet’ for a specific purpose, let us not shadow the first introduction with such heavy thoughts. Instead why don’t we get to know each other and try becoming friends?

    On the hindsight, I think that was the time I first started to like him. I always wanted to be with someone who understands me, and this guy has hit the bull’s eye on the very first day. The ice broke as we started talking and chatting casually in an effort to ‘become friends’.

    As the days passed, I found Rahul to be an extremely intelligent and compassionate person. Despite being born and brought up here, he did not behaved strangely like some of my Indian male friends. His conduct and appearance gave a clear reflection of his upbringing, and the responsible and dependable person he is. Finally, when the vacation ended, I believe, a certain bond was beginning to develop between us.

    Rahul was an MBA from the Iowa University, working with Ernst & Young as Security Auditor for the last four years. As we stayed hundreds of miles apart, it was not possible to meet every now and then. After our first meeting, it was Rahul who first called me and then began to do so every week. Slowly, the chemistry between us started to work favorably and I strongly started to believe that he is the guy with whom I can stay for the rest of my life. The more I was in touch with him, my apprehensions and fears for the so-called arranged marriage began to fade away. Within the next three-four months, it so happened that we spoke to each other every day and night on a regular basis; if not over the phone, then we were chatting on the net. My parents were pretty buoyed up seeing all these and they arranged a trip to Minneapolis, so that I can again meet Rahul. The visit turned out to be very captivating as Rahul and I made rounds of the city and had quite a few whirlwind short tours to nearby places – being just together.

    Ultimately, on the day we were supposed to return, Rahul proposed to me in the most theatrical manner – kneel down and a rose in his hand. I was moved and certainly not that stupid to say ‘No’!

    The marriage was scheduled within two months, and the time passed in a jiffy. However, by that time, I was deeply in love with Rahul and I am sure, he too was. For us, the two months seemed a never-ending wait. The number of phone calls increased by leaps and bound, to the extent of inviting amusement and laughter among my family members.

    Finally, the long cherished event took place and we became partners for life.

    It has been two years since then, and our love for each other has multiplied infinitely. I really sometimes fail to remember that ours was actually an arranged marriage, the stage of which was set by our parents. It seems that we had an affair that has been continuing since eternity. I am extremely fortunate not only to have Rahul as my husband, but also to get an extended family in the form of his parents, brother and sister.

    Suddenly, my thoughts are interrupted, as I heard Rahul coming up to me with a smile – and just like the manner he proposed to me, he knelt down, whispered “Happy Anniversary !” and handed me a beautiful diamond necklace set. Oh dear! I’m impressed and I would certainly like to have my husband of two years for another two hundred years!

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